rabbithatch | ryusei flashing is grounds for no joy

Why? So you can keep being selfish?

[and just like trying to avoid being thrown off by an angry animal, he's just going to hold on tighter]

[if i don't struggle will you let go sooner rather than later]

Selfi— Is there something you want from me?

[I might loosen my hold a little if you're good.]

You don't see it? Everything you've done up until now...

[... you want everything i've done until now?]

. . .

[sigh no.]

If you knew there was something I wanted, would you care?

[you're the one who keeps calling me selfish.]

... What do you want?

[well that's because it's true.]

At this point, I don't really know anymore...

[if you don't know, then why should i care what you want]

Why are you keeping me here?

[because you should start caring about what other people actually want and not what you think they want. USE YOUR WORDS.]

... because I'm starting to think I've lost my mind.

[... what do you think I think you want? Because you made it quite clear with your words. It's your actions I'm confused about. Let go.]

For... doing this? [if you hadn't stopped me I might have been able to get myself back under control in private and then this wouldn't have had to happen. I'm sure you know all about hiding your emotions. Doing this wasn't a kindness, Kengo.]

[but what if you never came back? what then?

also no, not letting go until you make me. you should know better than to trust my words over my actions by this point.

also hey lets avoid that topic now. it's getting awkward.]

Do you think I've hurt you enough?

[nope nope nope ryusei.exe shutting down]

Is that what you're doing? [i should shove you away but even despite that comment i don't want to hurt you] Would you continue if I said yes?

[no, that's not what i'm doing.]

I'd stop if you told me the truth.

[not that I trust you, but...]

The... truth... ? [you want me to tell you how much you've hurt me? if i gave you the right answer, would you let go?

what is the right answer?]

... Yes. [i'm not going limp on purpose jsyk]

[that's enough to get you freedom and by the way I'm just going to wander off and sit down somewhere nearby and keep my back to you without saying anything else.

no everything's fine, why would anything be wrong.]

[that thud was my knees hitting the floor]

. . .

Was that wrong?

I stopped.

. . .

If I'd said no?

... I would have stopped anyway. I guess I'm too tired to think about ways to hurt you anymore. Touching you, forcing you to stay, and making you think about those things... That's enough for now, isn't it?

[crossing his arms and curling up in the chair a bit, still not bothering to look back]

[is that why you wanted to keep me here

if i went away you wouldn't have someone to hurt?]

You called me selfish.

[no i'm just saying that in the hopes that i feel better about how horrible i feel for things ending up that way.]

Everything you did for your friend was because it was what you wanted for him. ... it wasn't what he wanted. ... everything that happened stemmed from what you thought was right for the situation. Your desperation and your loyalty to the idea of one person. Desires you manifested when no one was there to make requests. The only time you did anything was when it suited you.

[i wasn't asking what you meant. does it suit you, my being here? does it suit you still, to explain that to me? is that another form of hurting, kengo?]

You said you'd stop.

[no sense in answering, really.

now i'll stop and just sit here quietly. hope you like awkward silence.]

[i'll just continue kneeling here and try to stop my shivering]

ryusei flashing is grounds for no joy

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